Jack told me that we are through, and that he would be sending me back home to the Philippines. Before he left, he then uttered in a calm voice "Go back to where you belong!" I was happy, sad and even angry at the same time.
Firstly, I was happy because I had been begging, itching and requesting that Jack send me back home for a long time; which he just ignored before. Secondly, I was also sad because I didn’t want to go back to the Philippines, especially now that I was establishing my new life in America. Although, I knew that I was going to come out of his uncontrollable wrath. Lastly, I was angry with the mixed emotions and feelings I had ! Go home or not?
Night came; at this time, I was still sobbing because I was really confused with the situation. I didn’t want to divorce Jack. We were only married for a year, and I still cared and loved him at that time, he was horrible to me, but still he was my husband. I wanted to work things out between us, but he just kicked me out of the house without even giving me any time to think about the whole thing.
Jack had the tendency to become so short tempered.
While I was thinking to myself hard on the floor, my elderly Filipina friend prepared some tasty Filipino Dishes just for me. She left me alone whilst I was sobbing, then when I came off as depressed, she came closer to me, picked me up from the floor and gave me a huge hug. It felt great to have someone to run to and who could relate to my situation. We were discussing whats good for me and what not. She had given me great advice, just like any mother would do to their daughter.
Meanwhile I forgot my current situation, simply because we were enjoying the delicious Filipino Dishes, then my Filipina friends home phone was ringing. My state of mind was instantly back to reality, and I was facing the hardest ever sentence which now awaits me (until Jack announced that my ticket is ready. I was hoping that he would change his mind, and that he won't send me back to the Philippines). I said to my Filipina friend that it had to be Jack, and I was too right.
My Filipina friend picked the phone up and said, “Hello! Okay, yes of course. Just hang on!” She said it’s for you young lady, it's Jack. I was then waving and shaking my head at her proclaiming that I didn’t want to speak to him. She covered the hand set, and she replies “It's fine, just talk to him and tell him ‘You Are Done’. Tell him that he can keep his ticket, and you are NOT going back to Philippines, and that instead you can stay here in America for as long as you want, since you are legal, okay?” I just simply nodded at her and was then so nervous and took over the phone. I wasn’t ready to talk to Jack yet, but whatever the circumstances were. I had to face them!
I said ‘Hello!’ nervously. Jack goes, “Hello honey. It's me Jack! I am ever so sorry. Please forgive me. I simply can’t live without you. Please come back home. We can work things out. Just give me a chance to prove to you that I do care for you, please!” I said, “How am I going to believe you, that you ARE going to change. How are we going to work things out, when you are so selfish Jack? How am I going to be happy with you when you prevent me from doing things of my own? When you prevent me from contacting any of my family and friends? You control my finances? You control my life? You treat me just like a thing to you ?, I’m a human being with a heart, mind and soul Jack! You cause me so much grief! How are you going to change this entire thing, huh Jack How? ” (wow, I couldn't believe that I spoke up, and I did truly stick up for myself!)
Jack was completely speechless. He couldn't believe that I screamed those words straight from the bottom my heart; but I did. I sincerely did! I was so proud of myself for the very first time. Of course, the reason why I was tough was because I knew he couldn't hit me anymore. We’re having a conversation on the phone. He was on the other line, away from me. However, if we were talking personally, I wouldn’t be able to speak up like I did that day to him. I would be dead meat! My Filipina friend assured me that everything would be okay. She then told me to go to sleep and not to answer it if the phone rings again.
After hanging up the phone with Jack, I felt so relieved that I was finally able to release all of my anguish inside of me, but now what did I do? (I said to myself). I was torn between staying in America, or going back to where I belong (Just emulating Jack! Of course, I belong to the Philippines, that is the land of my birth, the home of my people, do I need to start the Philippines Patriotic Oath here?). Jack's thinking was just because he is American, he thinks he is far better than any other race on this planet.
PREVIOUS PAGE
NEXT
No comments:
Post a Comment